Back into the groove
2016 has now settled around us, and I have been back at company for a week. I have to say, after not dancing for two weeks, and using that time to surround myself with a whirlwind of activity and people to visit, I almost forgot what dancing felt like!
It was actually pretty surreal. I mean, of course I danced around my house like I always do. I danced around at work, when I went ice-skating (I finally learned how to spin! Sort of!), and everywhere else. My body craved the movement. But even still, there was a little part of my brain that said, “Oh no, I forgot how to be a dancer”. You may be thinking….what? How could you forget how to be a dancer? What does that even mean?
Well…..I’m not quite sure how to explain it! But after taking all that time off, and visiting all those people, and doing all those other things, I started to feel like a normal person. I have seen many jokes along the lines of, “There are people, and then there are dancers”. And yes, I suppose you could substitute ‘dancer’ for any number of things. But it does ring some truth. Dancers have been trained to think differently. I spend so much time in the studio, or thinking about ballet, or working so that I can dance, that there isn’t a whole lot of time for other things. So that time off, while nice, felt a bit weird towards the end.
Near the end of my break, I even asked my mom what she thought it would be like for me if I wasn’t a dancer. It’s a loaded question. I wondered what my life would be like if I never started in the first place; neither of us could conceive and answer to this. Understandable, because that would require some form of alternate/parallel-universe-jumping to comprehend. So we let that aspect of the question lie. But in answer to the question, if I were to stop dancing right now? Mom: You’d probably go crazy.
And she may be right. I might go crazy. I’ve lived so long as a dancer, two thirds of my life, that I honestly don’t know how to function differently. And if two weeks off is any indication, it would definitely take some adjusting to. But you know what freaked me out the most? The thought that I might not go crazy. I might be okay if I stopped. I would find something else I loved and go do that. It’s not a bad thing, but it was strange, and a bit scary, to think about. Voicing these fears, Mom just dismissed them with a reprise of her original answer.
But! Have no fear, because this Friendly Neighborhood Ballerina-to-Be has no intention of going anywhere! In fact, she plans to upgrade and drop the “-to-Be” part someday!
So, basically, I was very happy to discover on my first day back that I had not actually forgotten how to be a dancer. I was perfectly happy and at home back in the studio this week!
Your Friendly Neighborhood Ballerina-to-Be